Revelation

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other night and the conversation that came about was one that I didn't foresee happening and caught me off guard just a little bit. The propose of the phone call was to catch up with a close friend who is also doing a summer ministry. It is really nice to catch up with her and hear about all that she is doing this summer. Well for some reason, I started venting to her about different things. Nothing big but some things that I had bottled up for awhile that I just needed to get out. I felt really badly when I got off the phone because I felt like our conversation was not a healthy one and instead of feeling empowered and affirmed by the conversation that I had, I felt worse than I had at the beginning of the conversation. The reason that I felt so badly was not because of what was said in the conversation, but instead that I had allowed myself to unload everything that I was struggling with on someone who did not deserve that at all. Well you see, this is where the revelation happened. I realized that I came to camp a very selfish person, and God is really changing my heart in that area, and I will be honest, it hurts.

In my time here at camp and over the past few days, I have realized that nothing that I am doing here is for me...nothing. I thought that I was going to come to camp and be fed spiritually, and that I would be on this "mountain top" all summer. Now I am getting fed, just not from the places that I thought that I would. You see, camp is great! Don't get me wrong, but it has been an adjustment. Camp was always the place that I felt closest to God, and now I am creating that environment (with the help of my team and God) for the kids that I encounter on a day to day and week to week basis. Now this is where the issue comes in. I am pouring myself out and giving everything that I have spiritually to the kids, but I have nothing spiritual coming in.

Ah! Here is the revelation part of my story. First, nothing that I am doing here is for me. NOTHING! It is completely for God and for the kids. It is about getting out of the "me" attitude and getting into the "they" attitude. It is getting out of the selfish attitude and getting into the selfless attitude. Let's look at the definition of being selfless.

Selfless: concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish

Can you imagine how hard those words were to read when I was in this "me attitude" where I thought that I was the one that was going to be fed spiritually? A tough pill to swallow, but a perfect illustration of what God has planned for me this summer!

Now you see, up until this point, it has been awhile since I worked on this specific post. This has been the hardest post to write this summer. It's sometimes hard for me to write down my thoughts. They sound really good in my head, but when I try to put them into words I struggle. It is something that I am working on and I didn't want to get this one wrong. This is a somewhat incomplete blog and I hope that as God continues to shape me, I can follow-up in later posts.

Until the nets are full,
Zeke

Half Way Through...WHAT!?!

Yes, its true! My team and I are beginning our fourth session of camp out of eight today, and if my calculations are correct, that means that we are half way finished with camp. It's hard to believe and is just a depressing thing to think about, but I feel like it is an appropriate blog to write. What a month of growth it has been since coming to camp!

If you know me well you may agree with me that I am a fairly independent person. When I see something that needs to be done or is given a task, I like to jump in and get it done...myself. Relying on other people is hard for me, but something that I have had to learn to do here at camp. This whole idea of camp is to big for me to have that mentality. Relying on my team and being a team player has been crucial in the success of our ministry so far. Also, not only relying on my team but the people that have been placed as authority figures on our team. Dependance on the Lord has been very important as well. The days that I am completely worn out and have no idea how I am going to make it through, I some how do and the energy that enthusiasm that I exude only comes from the Lord.

Living in community with other believers is fantastic! I am not saying that it is not that way outside of camp, but it is just different here. People that have ever worked camp before understand it. I think that it is the fact that we are all mostly here for the same reasons and we are participating in a ministry that we all love and have invested our lives in (literally!). Being able to come together with a group of people my age that have such diverse backgrounds, political views, educational and professional goals (just to name a few) to further the Kingdom of God is a beautiful thing. Investing ourselves into a different group of kids for four weeks has been emotionally, physically and spiritually draining. Connecting with a group of children and then after four days, shipping them off has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. I have been amazed by the bonds that I have formed with kids that I didn't previously know and only interacted for a short period of time.

And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news." -Romans 10:15

I continue to be blessed by God, the people around me, and Passport Camps.

Until the nets are full,
Zeke